RITUAL LIFE
quick links for this page: Making Shabbat InitiativeWe began this initiative in 2004 with various activities including a “Kiddush Cup expo”, a Candlestick/ Havdalah expo", a kosher wine tasting event, more Friday night and late Saturday afternoon communal meals, more opportunities for studying Shabbat rituals including Friday night blessings and havdalah, and a learners' minyan (for the beginner in all of us). If you have any kind of institutional memory, you are probably saying, “but these have all been done before!” The difference is that we are engaging in these endeavors collectively as a community and working to engage children and teenagers as well. The “Making Shabbat” initiative is based on two principles. The first principle is that making Shabbat does not mean observing every rule laid down over the past 3,000 years. Instead, it recognizes that each individual and each family will require different ways to enter this sacred space and time. For one person, it is enough to set flowers on the table Friday night to set a certain tone. For others it could mean bringing the family together for a meal and short blessings. It could mean going deeper into the Shabbat service or creating space for study and meditation. The second principal recognizes the power of undertaking projects as a community. Although each person needs to pursue his/her own inclinations in keeping Shabbat, the process is energized and deepened, when we explore the richness of Shabbat communally. Feel free to contact me, if you have any thoughts about this project. - Roger Perilstein Shabbat Traditions of Beth El Members How does an individual, or couple, or family make Shabbat in the 21st century in the middle of North Carolina? The following are traditions, that Beth El members have developed to help create a Shabbat space for themselves, families and friends. If you have a tradition you would like to share, please contact Roger Perilstein or Yonat Shimron.. Motherly Love When I was a girl, Shabbat was something we looked forward to all week long. Each day, we did a different chore to ready the house. But the time Friday arrived, the house was sparkling and the smells of traditional chicken, challah, and gefilte fish permeated the air. The blessings over the candles, the Kiddush over the wine, the mandatory attendance at services — those are memories that will always be with me. When I left home I did not continue the tradition. After I married an Irish Catholic, I left the Conservative movement and raised my children as Reform Jews, a tradition I found less demanding. But when my mother died, I felt grief-stricken and restless. So I started attending daily minyans for 11 months so I could say Kaddish for her. Then I started going to services to help other people say Kaddish for their loved ones. It was then I began to recapture my Shabbat traditions. As in my childhood, I clean the house so it’s sparkling. With the children grown up and on their own, and my husband at work, there’s only me and the dog, Dahria. I begin by singing “Shabbat Shalom,” while Dahria follows me through the house. I give her a fresh clean scarf and she sits at my feet while I light the candles, say the Kiddush, and recite the “Hamotzi.” It’s then I often think of my mother. How proud she must be that I am keeping the traditions she so loved! How much peace I have doing it! -- Alyne O’Keefe Shabbat at the ReedsOur Shabbat begins right after blessings over the wine, bread, and candles — usually around 6:00. We start with a bunch of sandwich items: a little fish, some vegetables and peanut butter. Why? So we don’t end up with a lot of stale, moldy bread! Conversation usually consists of politics, science or other “real-world” things. Then comes soup or salad. Things start getting more relaxed and Shabbat truly begins. Finally, the main course comes out. It may be a variety of things just one or two that go well together, like spaghetti with tomato sauce. Huge discussions ensue, sometimes for an hour, maybe more! Our dinner ends with dessert, a cake or pie and some ice cream or sorbet. After that comes Birkhat Hamazon. Friday night ends with a family game like Scrabble or a good book. Then everyone goes to bed. -- Jacob Reed,age 9, with help from brother Jeremy, father David, and Diane Markoff.Shabbat PerennialsEvery Friday, Errol buys flowers. It’s a tradition he started when we married, 41 years ago. I never know what kind of flowers he’ll bring, just that they’ll show up in the kitchen on Friday afternoons. Arranging them in a vase is usually the last thing I do before candle-lighting time. When we lived overseas, we fell in love with the magnificent scarlet or snowy-white gladioli that the street vendors sold. Now, as soon as the glads appear in the stores, they become my Shabbat gift. Usually they end up in a tall glass vase on the ledge next to our front door, cheerily welcoming Shabbat guests. Shorter flowers form part of the table centerpiece. I never realized how ingrained the tradition was for our children until I spent a Shabbat in Jerusalem with our oldest son, Asher, and his wife, Sharon. Asher came home that Friday afternoon with an armload of flowers; one bouquet went on the kitchen table, the other he put in my bedroom. Our daughter, Anita, recently asked friends if it would be too much to expect her future husband (whomever that may be!) to buy her flowers every Shabbat. She told me they gave her a funny look and shouted “Yes!” -- Marion Zeiger
The "Family Thing" Friday night after dinner we do what we call a “family thing.” When our children were younger, charades were fun. Now we might play a board game, complete a puzzle or watch a video on a night when we’re all exhausted. For our “family thing,” this past week, Jeremy and Doug taught me and Nathaniel how to play poker. This time together has become non-negotiable. When Jeremy was away at summer camp, Nathaniel coined the term “three-quarters family thing.” Not surprisingly, the “family thing” does not always flow smoothly. Occasionally, there’s some bickering over the chosen activity. But when we come together, there’s a comfort and a sense of security that permeates the evening. -- Lori Bernstein
Wrestling a Blessing Friday night, after dinner, we go around the table and ask each other to share two things —what was the best part of your week, and where is the blessing in it? This is a time for us to be thankful in a way we might otherwise take for granted. By doing it together, we find we all listen to one another for a much longer period of time. We all know that dinner does not officially end until the sharing ritual concludes. Remarkably, the kids not only stay at the table, they initiate the ritual by saying, “Can we do the best part of our week now?” The kids usually share some accomplishment, whether it’s doing well on a test or an athletic event. Adults usually talk about the time they’ve spent with their children or spouse. But what is perhaps even more remarkable are the blessings. We all seem to focus on blessings of health, family and friends. Sometimes, we talk about the blessing of faith that good things are happening in some part of the world. A firm “yeshachoach” from Adam, concludes each response. We all laugh a good deal, and then the kids want to share a few more things. At the end of the ritual, the kids leave the table (along with plates) and go play, and a quiet time ensues — until dessert is served. --Beth and Adam Goldstein
Shabbat Through the Years When Earl and I were raising our family we were so busy trying to get everyone fed and to synagogue that we did not enjoy the evening as much as we did when the kids grew up and moved away. At that point, Earl and I began sharing Shabbat with friends and sometimes family. I have kept that tradition. I especially like to invite people whom I don’t know that well — and that extends to newcomers at Beth El. It makes Shabbat special for me and for those who join me. Usually guests want to bring some part of the meal and the sharing makes it even more pleasant. We start with the brachot. One of the guests chants the kiddush, and someone else says the blessing over the bread. Making challah for Shabbat is another special treat. Everyone enjoys homemade challah. I bless the candles. In the past, there were two candles. After Earl died, I added a candle in his memory. --Gladys Siegel
Reconnecting and Relaxing I don’t use my computer or do other work-related stuff on Shabbat anymore. A few years ago, I decided the spirit of Shabbat is about taking a break, turning off the usual worldly activities and allowing myself to reconnect with myself, my family, the comforts of my home and friends, the natural world, and things I do just for pleasure. So most Friday evenings, Charlie and I meet at our house after work to bless the Shabbat candles, wine, and challah (or some other delicious bread – recently hand-baked by our daughter Anna!). Then we go out for a “stress-buster evening.” Usually, we go to our favorite restaurant and sit at the bar. The place, in downtown Chapel Hill, somehow manages to create an urban, sophisticated atmosphere, and Charlie and I (sometimes with a daughter or two) eat, drink tell each other stories, and reconnect to an earlier stage of our relationship – when we just enjoyed each others’ company, were curious about each other’s life, and made each other laugh. Then we go home and I don’t turn on my computer. For a long time, I didn’t tell anyone, not even Charlie. Talking about it would turn it into something it’s not – a statement. I do this just for me, and I sometimes make exceptions. I suspect my Shabbat traditions will continue to change over time. At the Shabbaton this year there was a lot of discussion about how people at Beth El make Shabbat special. I loved someone’s suggestion to put out a special table cloth each Friday evening and leave it out until sundown Saturday evening. I dug out a beautiful tablecloth with Jewish symbols on it that I bought years ago (at Bloomingdales!), and have put it out on a few Friday nights, and that’s where Charlie and I do the blessings before we go out. But more often, I don’t use the tablecloth. I guess that hasn’t become a tradition for me yet. I’d like that to happen, but only if it connects me to tradition as well as to current relationships, and frankly, just makes me feel good. I know this isn’t the Shabbat of my grandparents, but I feel growing at Beth El that allows me to define Shabbat for myself in this way. -- Laura Svetkey Audio Files:
Enjoy preparing these recipes on Friday morning. Come home in the afternoon to the wonderful aromas and know that your Shabbat preparation is almost complete! Shabbat Shalom -- Rabbi Steve and Sabina Sager Crockpot Cider Beef StewThis beef stew is made with stew beef, potatoes, carrots, and apple cider in the crockpot. INGREDIENTS:
PREPARATION: Place carrots, potatoes, and apples in Crock Pot. Add meat and sprinkle with salt, thyme, and chopped onion. Pour cider over meat. Cover and cook on LOW heat for 8 to 10 hours. Thicken juices with a flour and cold water mixture (about 1 1/2 to 2 tablespoons flour and 2 tablespoons water), cooking on HIGH in slow cooker until thickened. Cranberry Crockpot ChickenThis makes a great sweet/sour sauce!
Place chicken breasts in the Crock Pot. Combine remaining ingredients; add to the Crock Pot, coating chicken well. Cover and cook on low 6 to 8 hours. Serve over rice or mashed potatoes. Serves 4 to 6. Crockpot Cola ChickenThis cola chicken comes out tasting like barbecued chicken. INGREDIENTS:
PREPARATION: Wash and pat chicken dry. Salt and pepper to taste. Put chicken in Crock Pot with the onions on top. Add cola and ketchup and cook on low 6 to 8 hours. Enjoy! Crockpot Pot RoastThis is a new twist on a traditional recipe – and makes the house smell wonderful!
Place vegetables on bottom of the Crock Pot. Lay roast on top and sprinkle with spices. Combine remaining ingredients and pour on top. Cover and cook on low 10 to 12 hours (or high 5 to 6 hours). Yum! Vegetarian Crockpot CholentThis is a vegetarian dish that can be served as a side dish or entrée.
Place vegetables on bottom of the Crock Pot. Add rice, beans, oil, and water to cover. Cover and cook on low 6 to 8 hours. When beans are soft, add dates and season to taste. Optional: can add chicken cutlets (cut up) if meat meal is desired. Can also double recipe to fill large roasting pan. Cover and cook in oven 3-4 hours at 300º (or overnight at 200-250º).
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